Anyone who’s strolled down the relationship aisle of a bookstore knows that dating manuals disproportionately hold women accountable for how a date turns out. If the guy never called again, it’s the woman’s fault. If he asked her out again only to act like a jerk, somehow the woman’s to blame for that, too.
While some men would certainly like to believe they can do no wrong on dates, the reality is that men can and do screw up with women all the time. Their behavior on dates can cause a budding romance to wilt or bloom. A man may improve his chances of nabbing his dream woman by avoiding the dating mistakes below. Continue reading →
With Oscar Pistorius dodging a murder conviction for killing his mate and Ray Rice losing his contract with the Baltimore Ravens for beating his, domestic violence topped the news headlines this week. Survivors of such violence shared their decision to stand by or leave their abusers, causing the hashtags #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft to trend on Twitter. News agencies asked experts on domestic violence to discuss why men, particularly athletes, hit women. And the NFL faced accusations that it had long known the extent of the brutality Rice had unleashed against his wife.
Largely missing from media reports about domestic abuse are the signs people can look for early in their relationships that hint their partners could turn violent in the future. Contrary to the Lifetime movies you’ve seen, people typically don’t switch from Prince Charming to raging brutes overnight. Beware if your mate displays any of the following behaviors: Continue reading →
Life would be so much easier if bad people, say, glowed in the dark or gave off an odor that sent everyone else running for the hills. In reality decent folks can’t spot jerks just by looking at them, as bad people intentionally disguise themselves as paragons of morality. They teach in our schools, minister in our churches, work as police officers and doctors. It’s comforting to think that the immoral and amoral live some place far, far away but the truth is that ordinary people date, befriend and hire jerks all the time without a clue. For some, these individuals may even be relatives. While amoral people remain the exception and not the rule, clinical psychologist Martha Stout estimates that one out of every 25 people lacks a conscience. So how can we spot the Sociopath Next Door, as Stout named her book on the matter? For one, always trust your gut.
Three Strikes, You’re Out
Stout recommends considering the Rule of Threes when deciding to embark on a new relationship. While one lie or broken promise may arise from a genuine misunderstanding and two lies from a serious mistake, Stout asserts that “three lies says you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can.” Continue reading →
According to a lawsuit reported on by the New York Post, female employees at Merrill Lynch’s main branch in Manhattan were instructed by a male branch manager to read a book called Seducing The Boys Club: Uncensored Tactics From a Woman at the Top. The book urges corporate women to flatter the male ego and manipulate their male colleagues and higher ups to gain favor in the workplace, not to mention flirt to get ahead. The female employees were also forced to meet with the book’s author to get tips on how batting their eyelashes and flipping their hair can help them climb the corporate ladder. Forget about hard work and tenacity. Nothing beats feminine wiles for women who want to become the next Sheryl Sandberg. Who knew? Continue reading →
It’s a common scenario: The loved ones of a victim of a jaw-dropping crime give a press conference in which they announce that they forgive the person who murdered, raped or otherwise brutalized their family member. The perpetrator hasn’t apologized for orchestrating the tragedy or expressed a modicum of regret for the crime. The family members have only just begun the grieving process, only just begun to digest the torment their loved one endured. Yet, they offer forgiveness anyway. But can forgiveness at this early stage be anything but perfunctory? Is forgiveness without repentance even possible?
Jean Bethke Elshtain, a professor at the University of Chicago Divinity School, argues that our society has cheapened the meaning of forgiveness over the years. According to her: “There is a watered-down but widespread form of ‘forgiveness’ best tagged preemptory or exculpatory forgiveness. That is, without any indication of regret or remorse from perpetrators of even the most heinous crimes, we are enjoined by many not to harden our hearts but rather to ‘forgive.’ ” Continue reading →